my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
