in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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