just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
