every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
