Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How does one acquire holy water?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
