So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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