Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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