i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
