At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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