tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Houston, we have a blender
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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