I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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