also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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