Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
