her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
