No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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