Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
