You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
