the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
