Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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