hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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