is your mom at the bar?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
