Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
