Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
