I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
