apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
