this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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