When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
