I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
