There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
