OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
