Cold hands, warm shart.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
