I hope mine doesn't look like that
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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