dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
