I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
