If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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