great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
