Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
