i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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