Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
