I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
