Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
