Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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