so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
