Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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