he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
