Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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