Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
