Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
do herpes really smell.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
