worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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