I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
