your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
