i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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