Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
