I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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