put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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