Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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