Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
