I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
