why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
