Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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