well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
