What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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