My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
