Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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