My first STD was from a foam party
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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