Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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