I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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