So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk is not a location!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
