remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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