Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He felt like a one man threesome
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
