i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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