i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
