Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
