I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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