I looked at my own cervix.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
