I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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