Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
