turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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