I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
