Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
