I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
