Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
