I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
